Coyote V. Acme

Coyote V. Acme
IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT,
SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT, TEMPE, ARIZONA
CASE NO. B19294, JUDGE JOAN KUJAVA, PRESIDING
Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff
-v.-
Acme Company, Defendant
Opening Statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote:

My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering causes as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability.

Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"),through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects inmanufacture or improper cautionary labelling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in thepossession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability tomake a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workmen's Compensation.

Click the above to read the whole thing.

H/t A Man In The Woods