Funny stuff-from the inbox

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

    

  

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!Except that one where you're naked in church.

  

    

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

    

Heaven is Where:The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French      and It's all organized by the Swiss. Hell is Where:The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss      and It's all organized by the Italians.

  

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

  

Welcome to UtahSet your watch back 20 years.

In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

The statement below is true. The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

 

I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.

 

KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

   

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE Sometimes I even put it in the food.

 

Preserve the Spotted Owl(in formaldehyde)

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred".

money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

  
 

I am having an out-of-money experience.

  

    

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

  
 

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

I FOUND JESUS!  He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana