Excuse Me! I'm trying to fish here!-from the inbox

Fishing on the northern Fraser River in BC  Canada

Excuse Me!  I'm trying to fish here!

Okay, I give up -- we can play, I can fish anytime...

Have you ever had that feeling of being watched?

A TALE OF A SENIOR MOMENT-from the inbox

  Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave
myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets or my purse. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I was on my way, but I'll be delayed.""Why is that?" I asked."Because I was pulled over by the police and now have to convince them that I didn't steal your car!"   Yep, it's the golden years.

A State With No Republicans-from the inbox

Very interesting...Makes ya wanna move there, doesn't it?

A wonderful state with zero Republicans .........The State of Illinois Some interesting data on the 'state' of Illinois...

There are more people on welfare in Illinois than there are people working.

Chicago pays the highest wages to teachers than anywhere else in the U.S. averaging $110,000/year.

Their pensions average 80-90% of their income.

Wow, are Illinois and Chicago great or what?

Be sure to read till the end. I've never heard it explained better.

Perhaps the U.S. should pull out of Chicago ?

Body count: In the last six months, 292 killed (murdered) in Chicago.
221 killed in Iraq AND Chicago has one of the strictest gun laws in the entire US.

Here's the Chicago chain of command:

President: Barack Hussein Obama

· Senator: Dick Durbin

· House Representative: Jesse Jackson Jr.

· Governor: Pat Quinn

· House leader: Mike Madigan

· Atty. Gen.: Lisa Madigan (daughter of Mike)

· Mayor: Rahm Emanuel

· The leadership in Illinois - all Democrats.
· Thank you for the combat zone in Chicago.

· Of course, they're all blaming each other.

· Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!
· Chicago school system rated one of the worst in the country.

Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!

· State pension fund $78 Billion in debt, worst in country.

Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!

· Cook County ( Chicago ) sales tax 10.25% highest in country.Can't blame Republicans; there aren't any!·
This is the political culture that Obama comes from in Illinois. And he is going to 'fix' Washington politics for us?

· George Ryan is no longer Governor, he is in the prison.

· He was replaced by Rob Blajegovitch who is... that's right, also in the prison.

· And Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. resigned a couple of weeks ago, because he is fighting to not be sent to...that's right, prison.

.The Land of Lincoln, where our governors make our license plates.

But you know what?

As long as they keep providing entitlements to the population of Chicago, nothing is going to change, except the state will go broke before the country does.

"Anybody who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian."

Escaped convict-from the inbox

"Laughter is the medicine of life."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject:  Escaped convict
                          A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.  Inside, he finds a couple in bed.  He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.  While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.

While he's in the bathroom, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict.  Look at his clothes!  He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.  I saw how he kissed your neck.  If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.  Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.  This guy is obviously very dangerous.  If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.  Be strong, honey.  I love you!'

His wife responds:  'He wasn't kissing my neck.  He was whispering in my ear.  He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.  I told him it was in the bathroom.  Be strong honey.  I love you too.'

Most Unusual Pix's of Interesting History-from the inbox

Interesting historical pictures.

MOST UNUSUAL PIX'S OF INTERESTING HISTORY

Miss America 1924

Helen Keller Meeting Charlie Chaplin

Leather gloves worn by Lincoln to Ford's Theater on the night of his

 assassination. Blood stains are visible at the cuffs.

Phoebe Mozee (aka: Annie Oakley). Famed for her marksmanship by 12 years

 old, she once shot the ashes off of Kaiser Wihelm II's cigarette at his invitation.

When she outshot famed exhibition marksman Frank Butler, he fell in love with

her and they married. They remained married the rest of their lives.

Very Young Lucy Lucille Ball around 1930

This is one of five known X-rays of Hitler's head, part of his medical records

 compiled by American military intelligence after the German's surrendered and

declassified in 1958. The records also include doctor's reports, diagrams of his

teeth and nose and electrocardiograms. He had bad teeth, lots of fillings and

crowns.

Two Victorian sideshow performers boxing - the fat man and the thin man.

Amy Johnson, English aviator 1903-1941 One of the first women to gain a pilot's

licence, Johnson won fame when she flew solo from Britain to Australia in 1930.

Her dangerous flight took 17 days. Later she flew solo to India and Japan and

became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic East to West, she volunteered

to fly for The Women's Auxiliary Air Force in WW2, but her plane was shot

down over the River Thames and she was killed.

Prison Garb 1924. Belva Annan murderess whose trial records became the

musical "Chicago."

Female photojournalist Jessie Tarbox on the street with her camera, 1900s.

Roald Amundsen was the first person to reach the South Pole. At approximately

3pm on December 14, 1911, Amundsen raised the flag of Norway at the South

Pole and named the spot Polheim — "Pole Home."

The extraordinary life of Maud Allen: Seductive US dancing girl who was sued

for being too lewd, ousted as a lesbian, and fled London after being branded a

German spy who was sleeping with the prime minister's wife.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Caroline Otero, courtesan, the most sought after woman in all of Europe. She

associated herself with the likes of Prince Albert I of Monaco, King Edward VII

of the United Kingdom, Kings of Serbia, and Kings of Spain as well as Russian

Grand Dukes Peter and Nicholas, the Duke of Westminster and writer Gabriele

D'Annunzio. Six men reportedly committed suicide after their love affairs with

Otero ended. Two men fought a duel over her. She was famed for her voluptuous

breasts.

Wedding day photograph of Abraham and Mary taken November 4, 1842 in

Springfield, Illinois after three years of a stormy courtship and a broken

engagement. Their love had endured.

Billie Holiday at two years old, in 1917

Washington, D.C., circa 1919. "Walter Reed Hospital flu ward." One of the very

few images in Washington-area photo archives documenting the influenza

contagion of 1918-1919, which killed over 500,000 Americans and tens of

millions around the globe. Most victims succumbed to bacterial pneumonia

following influenza virus infection.

Filming the MGM Logo

Amelia Earhart

Mae Questel ca. 1930's, the voice of Betty Boop and Olive Oyl, Minnie Mouse,

Felix the Cat (for three shorts by the Van Beuren Studios), Little Lulu, Little

Audrey and Casper, the Friendly Ghost

Bea Arthur (née Bernice Frankel) (1922-2009) SSgt. USMC 1943-45 WW II.

Enlisted and assigned as typist at Marine HQ in Wash DC, then air stations in

VA and NC. Best remembered for her title role in the TV series "Maude" and as

Dorothy in "Golden Girls".

In 1911, Bobby Leach survived a plunge over Niagara Falls in a steel barrel.

Fourteen years later, in New Zealand, he slipped on an orange peel and died.

Emily Todd was Mary Todd Lincoln's half-sister. In 1856 she married Benjamin

Helm, a Confederate general. After Helm's death in 1863 Emily Helm passed

through Union Lines to visit her sister in the White House. This caused great

consternation in the Northern newspapers. Emily Helm took an oath of loyalty to

the Union and was granted amnesty

Three days before his 19th birthday, George H.W. Bush became the youngest

aviator in the US Navy.

Market Street, San Francisco after the earthquake, 1906.

All-American Girls Baseball, 1940s

c. 1943 : Breast Protectors for War Workers

Mary Ellen Wilson (1864–1956) or sometimes Mary Ellen McCormack was an

American whose case of child abuse led to the creation of the New York Society

for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. As an eight-year old, she was severely

abused by her foster parents, Francis and Mary Connolly.

Sacajawea. Stolen, held captive, sold, eventually reunited the Shoshone Indians.

She was an interpreter and guide for Lewis and Clark in 1805-1806 with her

husband Toussaint Charbonneau. She navigated carrying her son, Jean

Baptiste, on her back. She traveled thousands of miles from the Dakotas the

Pacific Ocean. The explorers, said she was cheerful, never complained, and

proved to be invaluable. She served as an advisor, caretaker, and is legendary

for her perseverance and resourcefulness.

Zelda Boden, circus performer, ca. 1910.

A Confederate and Union soldier shake hands during a celebration at

Gettysburg in 1913. Image from the Library of Congress. July 1-3, 2013 marks

the 150th Anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg.

Geraldine Doyle, who was the inspiration behind the famous Rosie the Riveter

poster.

Vintage Baked Potato Cart. A legitimate fast food lunch option back in the day.

Black physicians treating in the ER a member of the Ku Kux Klan

Cyclists ride in the first running of the Tour de France, in 1903.

Sergeant Stubby (1916 or 1917 – April 4, 1926), was the most decorated war dog

of World War I and the only dog to be promoted to sergeant through combat.

America's first war dog, Stubby, served 18 months 'over there' and participated

in seventeen battles on the Western Front. He saved his regiment from surprise

mustard gas attacks, found and comforted the wounded, and even once caught

a German spy by the seat of his pants (holding him there til American Soldiers

found him).

Nightwitches - Female Russian bombers who bombed Germany during WW2.

They had old, noisy planes & the engines used to conk out halfway through their

missions, so they had to climb out on the wings mid-flight to restart the props.

To stop Germans from hearing them & starting up the anti aircraft guns, they'd

climb to a certain height, coast down to German positions, drop their bombs,

restart their engines in midair & get the hell out of dodge. Their leader flew

200+ missions & was never captured.

Marilyn Monroe meets Queen Elizabeth II, London, 1956 Both women are 30

years old.

Chief Petty Officer Graham Jackson plays "Going Home" as FDR's body is

borne past in Warm Springs, GA, where the President was scheduled to attend a

barbecue on the day he died. April, 1945.