I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad, I take something for it. |
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!Except that one where you're naked in church.
|
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
|
Heaven is Where:The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss. Hell is Where:The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss and It's all organized by the Italians. |
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
|
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be. |
Welcome to UtahSet your watch back 20 years.
|
In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday. |
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory |
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false. |
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other. |
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect. |
KENTUCKY:
Five million people, Fifteen last names. |
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
|
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food. |
Preserve the Spotted Owl(in formaldehyde)
|
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
how was the play? |
When you work here,
you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred". |
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch. |
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol. |
I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes. |
Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
|
I am having an out-of-money experience.
|
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
|
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. |
I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana |
No comments:
Post a Comment