I talked last night about someone from my son's school called the CPS on me. Last night I couldn't sleep without strange dreams. My 2 youngest daughters are afraid that someone is going to take them away. And I woke many times last night hearing my daughters calling out Daddy. When they are on the other side of the house and behind 2 closed doors and I can hear them, they are having nightmares. All because someone didn't know the truth. All because someone who I entrusted to teach my special child formed their own opinion without bothering to call me. Without bothering to find out what if anything was going on. My 11 year old Son has Aspergers Syndrome, which is within the Autism spectrum. He is very particular about what clothes he wears, which shoes he wears and almost everything about his life. when it isn't they way he wants it, he can throw one heck of a tantrum, screaming, yelling, arms flailing, laying on the floor kicking and screaming. Most of the time I have things set so he doesn't react that way. I know what he likes and dislikes. the problem started when he and his 13 year old sister got into a fight and he hit her, she being a girl bit him in revenge. she left a bite mark on his upper arm. when my son went to school the next day he showed his teacher. I'm pretty sure she is the one who called the CPS hotline. The complaint, my son was bitten he comes to school dirty and doesn't brush his teeth. My answer is this and it's the truth. My son bathes at minimum every other day more often if he has been out playing in the yard, he brushes his teeth every night in my bathroom less than 6 feet away from me, and I do laundry every night, my son has certain clothes he likes to wear and he throws a fit if he cannot wear them. It could be the middle of summer and he would want to wear his jeans that are falling apart, his ratty old tennis shoes, even though he has 2 nice pairs of shoes and a nice pair of cowboy boots, and a lot of the time he will try to wear his heavy Spongebob sweat shirt. In the middle of summer, in 90 degree plus weather. My son likes what he likes. He dresses himself most of the time he chooses his clothes and shoes and everything else, on occasion I have to interfere with his choices, such as the time he wanted to wear the same outfit 3 days in a row. granted it was clean I had washed it the night before but 3 days in a row? When I had him change into shorts and a muscle shirt and his black tennis shoes I had to go through almost 15 minutes of his tantrum before I finally got out the board of education and gave 'em a swat on the butt. That stopped the tantrum right there. And everything was ok.
By the way the "Board of Education" is a paddle I use to give a quick swat on the butt when the kids are behaving badly or are throwing a tantrum. Usually 1 swat tantrums done, board goes back in the room. It's impersonal, by itself it's a threat. Just asking my kids "Do you want the Board of Education" STOPS any bad behavior that instant so the "Board" is not needed. When the behavior is borderline and the kids don't listen just taking it out is enough to ensure compliance of the rules of the house. And yet when the ladies from CPS came over the first thing they said was the board has to go. I can use my hand to discipline but not the board of education. That is child abuse. Now I no longer have that focus of compliance. The board is impersonal, and rarely used. Just the threat of the board or sight of it causes compliance. Without it I will have to do something I HATE. I will have to put my children over my knee and use my hand to physically spank them. That makes it VERY personal. And I believe that is what the opponents of spanking want. they don't want that impersonal swat anymore, they want you to feel like garbage anytime you discipline your child, so therefore you won't physically spank them.
HOW DARE THEY DECIDE how I will or WILL NOT discipline my child? "I" am the parent. As long as I do not physically abuse my child what concern is it of them how I choose to discipline my child? Are they living in my house? Are they paying my bills? Do they see my children 24/7/365? Do they have to deal with the tantrums? Do they have to ensure the house is clean the meals are made and the laundry done? Do they have to ensure that all the kids are up and dressed in the morning so I can take the 2 older ones to swim practice? And then do they come back and cook the meals for them? Do they have to break up the fights over toys? Or which channel they will watch on TV? Until such time as they have lived my life, dealt with my problems, done EVERYTHING I DO and put up with from my kids, BUTT OUT!
If you think I'm doing something wrong, "Tell me" and if I think your right I will change the way I do things. If you have concerns about they way I do things, "Tell me" and I'll look to see if you're right and I'm wrong. But DO NOT come into my house and immediately without even KNOWING how things in my house are done try to pass judgements on me, or tell me I HAVE to do something. That is the quickest way for me to tell mom to open the trust fund to pay for the best attorney I can get to fight you. If you are concerned, come into my house and "SEE" for yourself how I raise my kids. Offer Help. Don't issue orders. And please keep your preconceived notions to yourself. And check your prejudices at the door please.
You offer me more help by being open minded and "Listening", than by coming in and trying to assert your authority, notions or prejudices against me and my family. By doing that you will get my back up in a heartbeat, and I will do everything in my power to hinder you and your agenda.
Now saying that. Of the 2 caseworkers who came to my house the one I actually talked to the most is the type of caseworker who actually "Listens" and offers help. Her Associate on the other hand, from the moment she stepped in my door, I "KNEW" she was the other type. And the entire time she was in my house, the questions she asked and the "DIRECTIVES" she gave me did nothing to prove me wrong. What upsets me the most is that this woman asked all of my children if "Daddy" had touched them in inappropriate places. HOW DARE SHE! Since I'm a single father with kids I'm a suspected molester. HOW DARE SHE! For 10 years in St. Louis I worked in the housing projects, I SAW sexual, mental and physical abuse that would sicken you. HOW DARE THIS prejudiced, ignorant person whose job is to PROTECT my children, come into my house and scare them with those thoughts. I do my best to protect my children from ANY type harm, and here is this State Employee inflicting harm on my kids by scaring them that "Daddy" might be a sexual predator. I know you will say "they are Standard Questions they HAVE to ask" Uh, NO! they came because a teacher at my son's school "ASSUMED" that he wasn't being cared for, not taking into account his Aspergers, and what it really is and how it affects him. They "ASSUMED" something and now "I" am paying the consequences. And NOWHERE in their complaint was ANY suggestion of molestation, but she being from the state with her prejudices, automatically "ASSUMED" that since I am a single father with 7 kids I HAVE to be doing SOMETHING.
So now I have to deal with my daughter having nightmares about being taken away. i have to physically spank them for infractions when before all I would need to do is ask them if the wanted the "Board of Education" and the problem would be solved. Now I "HAVE" to use physical punishment, when before I could flim flam them into compliance. so much for their "Notions"
I'm done for the night.
Mark
5 comments:
If I were you, I'd keep the Board of Education tucked between the mattress and the box springs. Tell the nosy social worker if she asks that you keep it there to easily grab if you feel threatened in the middle of the night.
My spouse works in a grocery store and one day a kid decided to pull a very public temper tantrum; the kid's intent was that Mom would be embarrassed and unable to do anything. The mother looked at my spouse and said, "I don't care what you think of it, report me if you must, but I'm going to spank my kid, right here, right now." My spouse said, "Go right ahead, nip that tantrum in the bud." The kid was shocked and the acting out came to a rapid close.
I don't think kids should be beaten, but a good pop on the butt can change an attitude pretty fast.
The board is now somewhere in the landfill. the social worker actually MADE me throw it in the trash dumpster before she left the house. When this stupidity is finished I"ll have to figure out how to discipline my kids without affecting thier "Sensitive", sensibilities or thier prejudices but still have the flim flam quotient against my kids.
Mark, the job of CPS from what I've seen is less to protect kids and more to control the parents. It's an agency run amok.
We have a case publicized in the media down here where a 13-year-old boy sexually assaulted his younger siblings. The boy has been in the juvenile detention center, but is being released awaiting placement in a residential facility. The mother has been told that if she doesn't pick him she can be charged with neglect.
Of course, if she does pick him up, she can then be charged with failure to protect on behalf of her younger children.
Sigh.
It's a mess.
The Express-News has been running a cover story the last 3 or 4 Sundays (I think it's a 4-parter & today was the third) on all the babies in this state who are returned to abusive families and subsequently killed.
And yet they're all over your ass.
Poor priorities, ja?
When we lived in Norfolk our upstairs neighbor called 911 and CPS after a verbal altercation she & I had (I don't even remember about what, I think it was that my husband's car was dirty). Police & EMS came out. I did not let them in the house but did let them look over my daughter as I stood on the front porch. The paramedic said my daughter was quite obviously in excellent health.
When we finally had the meeting with the caseworker, we found out that she'd told CPS she heard a baby crying "for hours" and since there was several days' worth of mail in my box she thought I'd left the baby at home alone. We also found out that the police had reported to CPS they'd been in the apartment & it was filthy. I have no clue what prompted the police to lie like that, but it upset me more than anything else.
I hope you can get things totally straightened out and your daughters comforted. It's pathetic that they spend so much time dealing with things like this and so much actual abuse goes unnoticed & unpunished.
Sounds a little like a good/bad cop sort of thing.
I suppose, just from an outsider's perspective, that it might be considered somewhat of a good thing that they take allegations seriously. However, there are unfortunately too many real occasions where not enough (or nothing at all) was done.
Hopefully in a few years this will be nothing more than ammo for future comments to your (then adult-aged) children and how much of a holy terror they were, making the case for how much of a saint you really are.
That's what my mom says, anyways, and it works pretty good for her.
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